Feeling stressed and overwhelmed is one of the most common experiences of perimenopause (along with 1,997 other symptoms).
It can show up in all kinds of forms:
- Racing thoughts at 2am.
- A general sense of dread with no obvious cause.
- Irritability that catches you (and loved ones) off guard.
- A feeling that you’re running your literal last nerve.
Now, for some women, this is the first time in their lives that they’ve felt this way. And for others, it’s familiar territory, but way more intense.
Whatever your experience, here are seven strategies that may help.
1. It sounds cliché, but start with your breath
This is the simplest thing on this list and possibly the most underestimated.
When you’re feeling anxious or wound up, your breathing tends to get short and shallow.
And short, shallow breathing keeps the body in a low-level state of alert, even when nothing is actually wrong.
One way to start shifting things is to first notice that your breathing is short and shallow. Yes, it’s hard to do in the moment and at the same time, your presence is the one thing your body craves during those times.
At first, just observe and do your best not to try to change your breathing. Just let it do what it wants to do.
Very often, the simple act of observing your breathing will cause it to shift all on its own (I often think that when the body realizes we’re paying attention to it, it feels safer).
Eventually, you can start to intentionally lengthen your exhale by making it a second longer than the inhale, or twice as long (whatever works for you).
But also notice what happens when you do that.
Even though scientifically, longer exhales are better for us, it can keep us stuck in that anxious state because we’re trying to force things to slow down.
So take your time and play with this one.
You can also explore other soothing techniques like box breathing, or the 4-7-8 technique.
2. Cut back on caffeine and alcohol
Caffeine and alcohol affect women in perimenopause differently than they used to. What once felt like a harmless second cup of coffee can now tip into heart palpitations, jitteriness, or a spike of anxiety that lingers for hours.
A glass of wine that used to take the edge off can now leave you wide awake at 3am with your thoughts racing.
So, if you’re dealing with more anxious feelings than usual, it’s worth experimenting with:
- Reducing caffeine, especially after noon.
- Reducing or eliminating alcohol
3. Move your body, but let go of the pressure to “perform”
Movement is genuinely one of the most effective things you can do for anxious feelings. But the type of movement matters.
In perimenopause, high-intensity exercise that used to feel energizing can leave you feeling more wired and depleted.
So explore moderate and low intensity options, such as:
- Walking
- Yoga
- Qi gong
- Swimming
- Dancing
And don’t forget that even activities like gardening count as movement (plus you get the added benefit of being in touch with the earth, which is incredibly grounding and soothing).
Also, rather than doing one intense session, give yourself mini sessions.
For example, some days I do a short 20-30 minute walk in the morning and another in the evening.
That gives me more opportunities to be outside and there’s something about experiencing sunrise and sunset that works its magic on the entire body.
Don’t feel like your “workout” has to be one long, uninterrupted session.
4. Protect the first and last hour of your day
The content you consume (news, social media, music, podcasts, etc.) has a real effect on how anxious you feel.
And the hours right after waking and right before sleep are when you’re most vulnerable to their effects (good or bad).
A morning that starts with scrolling and checking your inbox tends to put you on alert before you’ve even had a chance to settle into your day.
While an evening that ends with your phone or other devices can make it harder for your mind to wind down.
You don’t have to quit social media or make your devices “bad.”
But consider protecting these sacred hours of the day by prioritizing more quiet and ease. It allows you to start and end the day with ease.
5. Explore herbal remedies
Some women find that certain herbal teas can be incredibly helpful for alleviating anxious feelings in perimenopause and creating a sense of groundedness.
Nervine herbs (i.e. herbs for nervous system support) like chamomile, lemon balm, oatstraw, and passionflower have long been associated with relaxation and are worth exploring in midlife as part of a wind-down routine.
Another set of herbs that may be helpful are adaptogens, such as ashwagandha.
These herbs support the body’s stress response system so that we’re better able to respond to each situation appropriately.
There are lots of different teas and supplements on the market that contain both categories of herbs. Before buying anything, it’s a good idea to do your own research, consult with an herbalist or your health care provider.
Also, for a quick overview of how nervines and adaptogens work, watch my video below:
6. Try yoga nidra
If you haven’t tried yoga nidra yet, this might be the most pleasant and enjoyable suggestion on this list!
Sometimes called “yogic sleep” or non-sleep deep rest (NSDR) it’s a guided practice where you lie down completely still and are led through a deep state of relaxed awareness.
You’re not asleep, but you’re not quite awake either. For many women dealing with anxious feelings or disrupted sleep, it can be incredibly soothing and nourishing.
I have made yoga nidra a regular part of my routine for several years now because it’s so different from other forms of “meditation.”
I always say for anyone who says they can’t meditate, they should try yoga nidra.
There are hundreds of free sessions on YouTube and my go-to channel is Kristyn Rose, followed by Ally Boothroyd.
You can do it any time of day and it really takes no effort.
7. Let yourself feel anxious without making it mean something is wrong with you
Sometimes in our eagerness to feel better, we can lose sight of an uncomfortable truth: fighting a symptom can also add to our stress.
This can lead to an endless spiral where we:
- Worry about the stressful or anxious feeling.
- Worry if those feelings mean that something bigger is wrong.
- May feel ashamed or frustrated that we can’t “hold it together.”
But feeling stressed during this season is not a sign that you’re failing or anything is falling apart. It’s a sign that your body is going through a real and significant transition.
You can acknowledge what you’re feeling without feeling less than.
So on the days when it’s just too much, allow yourself to just sit with it. And if you want, combine being there with yourself with the havening touch.
When no one else is around to give you a hug or provide the comfort that a loving touch brings, havening can help:
A closing thought
You don’t have to eliminate every anxious feeling to feel better. You just have to start building a life that gives you a little more room to breathe, literally and figuratively.
Small, consistent, and gentle tends to work better than intense and urgent.
I hope that this was helpful and if you want more ways to support yourself holistically during midlife, please explore more of the blog!
